Suicide: Dad ‘will always carry guilt’ after daughter’s death

A father has said his 24-year-old daughter’s suicide hit him like a “depth charge” which “shred things in ways that are difficult to describe”.

One year on from Rhiannon’s death, Gareth Williams wants other parents to know how “seriously dangerous” poor mental health can be.

The latest figures show the suicide rate in Wales in 2023 was the highest for a decade, with an average of around one every day.

Mr Williams’ comments come as a Welsh government-backed service is rolled out across Wales to support those affected by suicide.

Mr Williams said he had hoped Rhiannon’s anxiety and depression were something that time, counselling and GP support could heal, but said it was something he had “completely underestimated”.

“When you’re living with somebody you don’t notice these incremental changes. One of our regrets is why didn’t we see this?” said the 60-year-old solicitor from Swansea.

“People say ‘it’s not your fault’ but you’re always going to carry that as a parent.”

Rhiannon had been studying for a Masters in creative writing in London – she’d always been a high achiever and had won multiple awards and prizes for her writing – but her parents said she left London abruptly to move back home.

She was getting professional support for her mental health but her family had noticed a deterioration in the months before her death.

However, Mr Williams and his wife Rachael only later discovered the notes in Rhiannon’s private diaries referencing online sites she’d used to meticulously plan her suicide.

It’s an avenue that is still being investigated ahead of a future inquest, but it’s left Mr Williams concerned that even his daughter’s bedroom could be “a dangerous place” where her parents were powerless to control what their adult daughter was doing online.

The couple and Rhiannon’s two younger brothers were offered support by the Jac Lewis Foundation, a charity which has been commissioned by Welsh government to host the new national advice service.

Mr Williams explained that the counselling helped with “the feelings of guilt that I think are probably stronger for this kind of bereavement than others”.

“I call it a depth charge, because it’s very private – like it’s below the water.

“But you just have to re-build and look at the positives. As parents we’re very conscious that we have to make sure our two sons know that life goes on.”

Gwyn Augustus is lead liaison officer for the new national advisory liaison service and said from each suicide they typically collect between six and 10 referrals for individuals who may need support.

Immediate, free counselling is available when required, as well as play therapy for children – as research has shown adults bereaved by suicide are at higher risk of attempting suicide themselves.

“If we can save one life over the term of the project it would be worth it, but to date I’m sure we’ve already done that,” said Mr Augustus.

“It’s been mentioned many a time that we’ve contacted people at their most upset and they’re considering undertaking something themselves.

“To be able to step in during those sensitive times is vital for their wellbeing.”

Scott Lever facilitates some of the group sessions run by the Jac Lewis Foundation in Swansea. He became a counsellor after losing his own father to suicide in 2014.

“There’s so much stigma around suicide that people don’t really talk about it – people don’t know how to talk about it, and that can create barriers to accessing support too,” he said.

“But in the group sessions you can see people almost ‘decompress’ when they realise other people are going through similar feelings and experiences.

He said that having that level of “authenticity” in the room can help people “really offload” what they are truly feeling.

“Seeing how this service is changing the way people are supported … I’m proud to be part of that because it’s something I recognise I really needed at the time too.”

The Welsh government is due to launch its refreshed suicide prevention and self-harm strategy by the end of the year.

Since its launch in December 2022, the NHS Wales 111 press 2 service, which offers immediate mental health support, has taken more than 116,000 calls.

Minister for mental health and early years, Sarah Murphy, said the growing rate of suicide in Wales needs to come down and said prevention was key.

“Hearing that children as young as four are getting counselling for as long as they need – play and music therapy – I think that’s also a huge part in breaking that trauma cycle,” she said.

“We want to ensure all those who are affected receive timely, compassionate and effective support where and when they need it.

“Through the ongoing development and implementation of our suicide and self-harm prevention strategy we will explore what more can be done to prevent suicide in Wales.”

Need help? If you have been affected by this story the BBC Action Line web page features a list of organisations which are ready to provide support and advice.